1 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,621 - There's a bit of luck for ya. 2 00:00:58,795 --> 00:01:01,363 The bloody snow is covering up the entrance to the tunnel. 3 00:01:01,537 --> 00:01:03,060 - Well, I know it's around here someplace. 4 00:01:07,325 --> 00:01:08,326 - What's he looking for? 5 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,545 - A tree stump. 6 00:01:10,589 --> 00:01:12,026 - No, don't tell me. 7 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,463 He's gonna hide nuts in there for winter. 8 00:01:14,637 --> 00:01:16,726 - We go down through it to a tunnel. 9 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,597 - Where's the tunnel lead to? 10 00:01:21,557 --> 00:01:22,775 - Well? 11 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,690 - I could've sworn this was it. 12 00:01:24,864 --> 00:01:25,648 - Come on. 13 00:01:28,477 --> 00:01:30,479 - Come on, come on. 14 00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:33,917 Come on. 15 00:01:34,091 --> 00:01:37,877 Come on, Carter! 16 00:01:38,052 --> 00:01:39,705 You clumsy oaf. 17 00:01:39,879 --> 00:01:40,837 - I couldn't help it. I tripped over this tree stump. 18 00:01:41,011 --> 00:01:42,012 - Come on! 19 00:01:44,232 --> 00:01:45,624 Tree stump? 20 00:01:45,798 --> 00:01:47,191 - Tree stump, come on! 21 00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:54,416 Wunderbar. 22 00:01:54,590 --> 00:01:55,808 - Go on, go on. 23 00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,595 All right, now keep moving. 24 00:02:01,553 --> 00:02:02,902 Just keep moving and wait down there 25 00:02:03,077 --> 00:02:04,208 when you get down there. Keep moving along. 26 00:02:04,382 --> 00:02:05,862 - Hurry up. 27 00:02:06,036 --> 00:02:07,733 - All right, now, Carter, you get down there. 28 00:02:07,907 --> 00:02:10,823 All I need, mate, is to come looking for you in a blizzard. 29 00:02:14,653 --> 00:02:15,872 Go on. 30 00:02:22,444 --> 00:02:23,967 - They're coming down the tunnel now, Colonel. 31 00:02:24,141 --> 00:02:25,708 The underground says those guys bailed out three days ago. 32 00:02:25,882 --> 00:02:27,144 They must be frozen. 33 00:02:27,318 --> 00:02:28,145 - I will give them some of my brandy. 34 00:02:28,319 --> 00:02:29,538 That should warm them up. 35 00:02:29,712 --> 00:02:30,626 - Yeah, and if they got frostbite, 36 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,409 they can pour it on their feet. 37 00:02:34,891 --> 00:02:35,718 - Let's go, Carter. 38 00:02:35,892 --> 00:02:37,720 Yeah, there you go. 39 00:02:37,894 --> 00:02:39,548 - Welcome to Stalag 13. I'm Colonel Hogan. 40 00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:42,377 - Captain Morgan, Stalag 13? 41 00:02:42,551 --> 00:02:43,726 You've gotta be kidding. 42 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,947 - We're in a prisoner-of-war camp! 43 00:02:48,122 --> 00:02:49,732 - Here's some brandy. 44 00:02:49,906 --> 00:02:51,560 Oh, I'm sorry! - That's all right. 45 00:02:51,734 --> 00:02:54,041 It's the first time my foot's been warm in three days. 46 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,914 - Here, Captain. - Thank you. 47 00:02:58,088 --> 00:02:59,263 Now I know why the underground 48 00:02:59,437 --> 00:03:01,178 didn't tell us where we were going. 49 00:03:01,352 --> 00:03:02,919 - The less you know, the less you talk if you're captured. 50 00:03:03,093 --> 00:03:05,226 - Well, I know the Germans are out to take prisoners, 51 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,054 but I never knew you fellas were in business for yourselves. 52 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,839 - Let's just say we've eliminated the middleman. 53 00:03:10,013 --> 00:03:11,449 - We'll keep you here till the heat's off, 54 00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:12,972 then outfit you and get you some new papers. 55 00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:14,887 - It's our job to get you out of here. 56 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,106 - Well, I hope you're as good at getting us out 57 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,107 as getting us in. 58 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:19,066 - Don't worry, Captain. 59 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,458 You and your men will be back on flying duty within a week. 60 00:03:20,632 --> 00:03:21,981 - Colonel, there's a squad of Gestapo 61 00:03:22,156 --> 00:03:23,505 going into Klink's office, 62 00:03:23,679 --> 00:03:25,072 and they got axes and picks and shovels. 63 00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:28,336 - What's that mean, Colonel? 64 00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:29,467 - I don't know. 65 00:03:29,641 --> 00:03:30,338 Kinch, get out the coffee pot. 66 00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:31,339 Right. 67 00:03:33,341 --> 00:03:35,647 - How can you take a coffee break at a time like this? 68 00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:37,214 - You got a better way of listening in 69 00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,042 on the Commandant's office? 70 00:03:52,969 --> 00:03:54,753 - Ah, Major Hochstetter, come in, come in. 71 00:03:54,927 --> 00:03:57,321 Always nice to see your smiling face. 72 00:03:57,495 --> 00:03:59,454 - He only smiles at train wrecks. 73 00:03:59,628 --> 00:04:01,499 - Who's Hochstetter? - Gestapo. 74 00:04:01,673 --> 00:04:02,979 - Are you here on military business, 75 00:04:03,153 --> 00:04:04,807 or is this a social call? 76 00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:07,375 - I don't pay anybody a social call. 77 00:04:07,549 --> 00:04:09,028 - I wish he hadn't said that. 78 00:04:09,203 --> 00:04:11,335 Klink can't stand rejection. 79 00:04:11,509 --> 00:04:12,728 - What can I do for you, Major Hochstetter? 80 00:04:12,902 --> 00:04:14,643 Are you aware that last Monday night, 81 00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:16,862 an American plane dropped a bomb on Gestapo headquarters? 82 00:04:17,036 --> 00:04:19,126 Demolished the building, wiped out the garrison, 83 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,997 killed Commandant Hedrick, 84 00:04:21,171 --> 00:04:23,739 knocked the Fuhrer's picture off the wall and everything! 85 00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:25,175 - No, sir, I was playing 86 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:26,568 pinochle with Captain Broomschmeel. 87 00:04:26,742 --> 00:04:28,004 - It was a great personal loss to me. 88 00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:29,005 - It was a great personal loss to me. 89 00:04:29,179 --> 00:04:30,615 He took me for 50 marks. 90 00:04:30,789 --> 00:04:32,748 - But our antiaircraft shut down the bomber. 91 00:04:32,922 --> 00:04:34,228 - That's good. 92 00:04:34,402 --> 00:04:35,533 - But the crew parachuted to safety. 93 00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:36,969 - Oh, that's bad. 94 00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,232 - But we know where they are hiding. 95 00:04:38,406 --> 00:04:39,189 - That's good, where? - Here. 96 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,451 - Impossible. 97 00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:42,279 - Impossible, we shall see. 98 00:04:42,453 --> 00:04:45,282 I'm ordering my men to search every inch of this camp. 99 00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:48,503 - Sir, I am commandant of Stalag 13. 100 00:04:48,677 --> 00:04:50,896 - That is exactly why I'm ordering the search. 101 00:04:51,070 --> 00:04:53,029 - Major Hochstetter, may I remind you 102 00:04:53,203 --> 00:04:56,075 that my record here is impeccable? 103 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,992 No enemy soldier has ever gotten out of Stalag 13. 104 00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,038 - But how is your record on enemy soldiers 105 00:05:02,212 --> 00:05:03,735 getting into Stalag 13? 106 00:05:03,909 --> 00:05:04,910 - What are you driving at? 107 00:05:05,084 --> 00:05:06,695 - We have searched this area, 108 00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:08,262 and we have come to the conclusion that those flyers 109 00:05:08,436 --> 00:05:10,264 might very well be hiding in this very camp. 110 00:05:10,438 --> 00:05:12,179 - Are you suggesting these men are here? 111 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,050 - Exactly. 112 00:05:14,224 --> 00:05:15,965 But why would an enemy soldier trying to escape 113 00:05:16,139 --> 00:05:17,749 hide in a prisoner-of-war camp? 114 00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:19,969 - I've been trying to figure that one out myself. 115 00:05:20,143 --> 00:05:22,363 - They might very well hide here until the search is over, 116 00:05:22,537 --> 00:05:23,755 and then make their escape. 117 00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:26,018 Not in Stalag 13. 118 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,933 - I am taking no chances. 119 00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:29,848 - I'm ordering my men to search every barracks 120 00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:32,590 for anything suspicious, especially tunnels. 121 00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:35,550 What are you doing, Klink? 122 00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:37,421 - I am calling General Burkhalter. 123 00:05:37,595 --> 00:05:40,337 I will not allow the Gestapo to take over my camp! 124 00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:43,471 Here is General Burkhalter's written permission. 125 00:05:47,953 --> 00:05:49,172 - Make yourself at home, Major Hochstetter. 126 00:05:49,346 --> 00:05:51,305 My camp is your camp. 127 00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:54,656 - The general has given me 48 hours to find the Americans. 128 00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:55,657 - Why are you in such a hurry? 129 00:05:55,831 --> 00:05:57,398 Take your time. 130 00:05:57,572 --> 00:05:59,095 - I never knew Klink was so tough. 131 00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:00,792 He stood up to the Gestapo for almost 30 seconds. 132 00:06:00,966 --> 00:06:02,794 - Shh. 133 00:06:02,968 --> 00:06:04,361 I think we'll begin the search with Barracks one. 134 00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:06,015 - What do we do now, Colonel? 135 00:06:06,885 --> 00:06:07,712 - I don't know. 136 00:06:07,886 --> 00:06:09,279 - Well, I got an idea. 137 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:10,976 Why don't we go back down the tunnel, 138 00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:13,109 come up through the stump, contact the underground, 139 00:06:13,283 --> 00:06:14,980 and punch them all in the mouth? 140 00:06:15,154 --> 00:06:17,461 - Bad idea, Captain. 141 00:06:17,635 --> 00:06:19,637 - Sure, you guys got nothing to lose, 142 00:06:19,811 --> 00:06:21,073 but if they catch us, it's goodbye, Charlie. 143 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:22,466 - I know one thing, Colonel. 144 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,902 We're not gonna wait around, 145 00:06:24,076 --> 00:06:25,904 waiting for the Gestapo to nail us. 146 00:06:26,078 --> 00:06:27,906 - Kinch? - Yes, sir. 147 00:06:28,864 --> 00:06:30,126 - Take them down to the tunnel. - Right, Colonel. 148 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,345 - Now you're talking sense, Colonel. 149 00:06:31,519 --> 00:06:32,215 - But you're not going out. 150 00:06:32,389 --> 00:06:33,695 - Why not? 151 00:06:33,869 --> 00:06:35,392 - Because the whole area is lousy with Krauts. 152 00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:36,350 They'd find you in a minute. 153 00:06:36,524 --> 00:06:37,873 - Well, what do we do 154 00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:39,309 when the Gestapo finds us in the tunnel? 155 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:40,397 Tell them we're on a three-day pass? 156 00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:42,007 - They're not gonna find you. 157 00:06:42,181 --> 00:06:43,008 - Sure? 158 00:06:43,182 --> 00:06:44,880 - Cross my heart, 159 00:06:45,054 --> 00:06:48,318 because we're gonna dig a whole new tunnel for them to find. 160 00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,189 - All right, men, down the tunnel. 161 00:06:52,801 --> 00:06:53,802 - LeBeau, Newkirk. - Yes, sir. 162 00:06:53,976 --> 00:06:55,282 Yes, sir. 163 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:57,109 - Start digging a tunnel under the sink, huh? 164 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,676 - Right. 165 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,333 - Here they come. - I like their timing. 166 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,247 Carter, help me with the sink. 167 00:07:04,421 --> 00:07:05,422 - Yeah. 168 00:07:11,167 --> 00:07:12,473 - All set, Colonel. 169 00:07:12,647 --> 00:07:14,257 - Good, Newkirk, you know what to do. 170 00:07:14,431 --> 00:07:15,693 - Right, sir. 171 00:07:20,785 --> 00:07:23,222 - Everybody line up for roll call! 172 00:07:25,137 --> 00:07:27,139 - Well, what a pleasant surprise. 173 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,576 - I don't think it will be 174 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:29,794 so pleasant for you, Colonel Hogan. 175 00:07:29,968 --> 00:07:31,361 - Ah, Major Hochstetter, 176 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,450 always a pleasure to see your smiling face. 177 00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:35,931 Uh, did you come on military business, 178 00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:38,020 or is this a social call? 179 00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,065 - What is it at your camp, Klink? 180 00:07:40,239 --> 00:07:43,460 Everybody thinks I'm a social butterfly. 181 00:07:45,462 --> 00:07:47,812 Never mind the social amenities, Hogan. 182 00:07:47,986 --> 00:07:49,945 Major Hochstetter is here to inspect the barracks. 183 00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:51,207 - Oh, go right ahead. 184 00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:53,340 It's humble, but it is home. 185 00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:55,994 You'll have to excuse the mess, sir. 186 00:07:56,168 --> 00:07:57,474 The cleaning woman doesn't come till Thursday. 187 00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:12,881 - Why are you hiding the hand? - What hand? 188 00:08:13,055 --> 00:08:14,578 - The hand in that pocket. 189 00:08:14,752 --> 00:08:15,536 - What pocket, sir? 190 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:18,016 - That pocket! 191 00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:20,410 - Oh, well, it's very cold in here, sir. 192 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:22,978 - Then why don't you have both hands in the pocket? 193 00:08:23,152 --> 00:08:25,981 Both, oh, I forgot I had two hands, sir. 194 00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:27,199 Thank you very much. 195 00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:33,684 - Why do you have fresh dirt under the fingernails? 196 00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:35,251 - Sir, have you ever tried 197 00:08:35,425 --> 00:08:36,470 to get an appointment for a manicure here? 198 00:08:36,644 --> 00:08:37,645 It is murder. 199 00:08:37,819 --> 00:08:39,081 - Look at my nails. 200 00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:40,430 I haven't had a manicure in weeks. 201 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,519 - There you are, sir. 202 00:08:42,693 --> 00:08:44,695 - Newkirk, where's the tunnel? 203 00:08:44,869 --> 00:08:46,044 - Tunnel, sir, what tunnel? 204 00:08:47,916 --> 00:08:51,615 - Why did you kick dirt under the sink? 205 00:08:51,789 --> 00:08:53,704 - Because cleanliness is next to godliness. 206 00:08:53,878 --> 00:08:55,880 - And a clean barracks is a happy barracks. 207 00:08:56,054 --> 00:08:57,839 - And a happy barracks is a happy prison camp. 208 00:08:58,013 --> 00:08:59,318 - And a happy prison camp is- 209 00:08:59,493 --> 00:09:00,972 - Silence! 210 00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:16,161 I think I found the tunnel. 211 00:09:19,469 --> 00:09:21,732 - Schultz, don't push, pull! 212 00:09:22,864 --> 00:09:24,126 Just as I thought. 213 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,823 We kept our eyes on this barracks for weeks, 214 00:09:25,997 --> 00:09:26,868 right, Schultz? 215 00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:28,522 - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 216 00:09:28,696 --> 00:09:30,219 - I seemed to have discovered an escape attempt 217 00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,613 before it got very far. 218 00:09:32,787 --> 00:09:34,615 - Well, sir, we were planning to let them dig 219 00:09:34,789 --> 00:09:38,619 just a little more before we crushed them. 220 00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:40,664 - You will have this tunnel filled with cement, 221 00:09:40,838 --> 00:09:44,102 and severe disciplinary action will be taken. 222 00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:46,061 - Yes, sir, yes, Major Hochstetter. 223 00:09:47,192 --> 00:09:48,803 Colonel Hogan, you and your men 224 00:09:48,977 --> 00:09:51,240 are restricted to the barracks until further notice. 225 00:09:51,414 --> 00:09:52,676 I'll see you later. 226 00:09:52,850 --> 00:09:55,723 - We will keep searching for our friends. 227 00:09:55,897 --> 00:09:58,073 Colonel Hogan, in the middle of a war. 228 00:09:58,247 --> 00:09:59,596 Shame on you. 229 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:03,774 - The phony tunnel was magnifique. 230 00:10:03,948 --> 00:10:05,341 Carter, watch the door. 231 00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:07,386 Come on up, fellas! 232 00:10:07,561 --> 00:10:08,649 - Come on in, gentlemen! 233 00:10:11,129 --> 00:10:14,916 There you go, fellas. 234 00:10:15,090 --> 00:10:17,005 Give you wine next time. 235 00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:19,573 - All right, look. 236 00:10:19,747 --> 00:10:21,096 We'll wait till the Gestapo has cemented the tunnel. 237 00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:22,271 When they leave, you leave. 238 00:10:22,445 --> 00:10:23,315 - Okay. 239 00:10:25,143 --> 00:10:26,493 - Mayday, Colonel, here comes Schultz! 240 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:27,494 Come on, back in the tunnel! 241 00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:28,451 - All back in the tunnel! 242 00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:29,539 It's stuck! 243 00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,323 - Don't panic, don't panic! 244 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,542 - All right, forget it, everybody, go run for cover! 245 00:10:33,891 --> 00:10:34,544 Hide under there! 246 00:10:39,984 --> 00:10:41,377 Hurry, under here! 247 00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:42,421 Quick, get over here. 248 00:10:42,596 --> 00:10:44,119 Come on, make it fast, hurry up! 249 00:10:53,345 --> 00:10:54,782 - Oh, Colonel Hogan, 250 00:10:54,956 --> 00:10:57,219 prepare the men to move to another barracks. 251 00:10:57,393 --> 00:10:58,655 - Oh, come on, Schultz. 252 00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:00,309 We just finished redecorating this place. 253 00:11:00,483 --> 00:11:01,876 - Those are my orders. 254 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:04,922 Everybody pack and move in ten minutes! 255 00:11:11,146 --> 00:11:13,148 - What now, Colonel Hogan? 256 00:11:13,322 --> 00:11:14,628 - You'll go with us. 257 00:11:14,802 --> 00:11:16,020 We can't take any chances 258 00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:17,500 with the Gestapo working in this barracks. 259 00:11:17,674 --> 00:11:19,676 - The snow's coming down pretty heavy now, sir. 260 00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:20,938 That should cover the move. 261 00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:22,853 - Well, what about the tunnel? 262 00:11:23,027 --> 00:11:26,465 - Captain, in this camp, there are 20 barracks. 263 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,077 We have a connecting tunnel to all but one. 264 00:11:29,251 --> 00:11:30,600 - Which one's that? 265 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,907 - Barracks 4, but the odds are 20 to one 266 00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:34,952 they won't move us into that. 267 00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:38,913 - Colonel, if you ever get out of this camp 268 00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:40,523 and go back to civilian life, 269 00:11:40,697 --> 00:11:43,091 don't try to make your living as a bookie. 270 00:11:51,403 --> 00:11:53,754 You've been looking out that window for an hour, Colonel. 271 00:11:53,928 --> 00:11:55,146 - Trying to figure a new plan 272 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:56,670 to get you guys out of this camp. 273 00:11:56,844 --> 00:11:58,367 - Well, maybe Santa Claus will drive by, 274 00:11:58,541 --> 00:12:00,543 and we can escape in his sleigh. 275 00:12:00,717 --> 00:12:02,893 - Colonel Hogan, can we go out and play in the snow? 276 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:05,330 - Why don't we all go out and play in the snow? 277 00:12:05,504 --> 00:12:07,855 Maybe the Gestapo has skis for rent. 278 00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:09,247 - Hey, I don't know how to ski, 279 00:12:09,421 --> 00:12:11,075 but I know how to make a snowman. 280 00:12:11,249 --> 00:12:12,599 - Not a bad idea, Carter. 281 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,862 - Oh, wait a minute, Colonel. 282 00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:16,428 We're not gonna sit around waiting 283 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,343 while you and your men build a snowman. 284 00:12:18,517 --> 00:12:20,563 - This snowman you're gonna like! 285 00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:23,827 I think I'll talk Sergeant Schultz 286 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:25,829 into letting us build a snowman. 287 00:12:27,744 --> 00:12:29,311 - All right, men, follow me. 288 00:12:33,663 --> 00:12:35,056 - Where you going, Captain? 289 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:36,884 - We're gonna make a break for it. 290 00:12:37,058 --> 00:12:38,537 I wouldn't do that if I were you, Captain. 291 00:12:38,712 --> 00:12:40,365 - We're not gonna sit around waiting to be shot 292 00:12:40,539 --> 00:12:42,106 while Hogan's building a snowman. 293 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:43,412 - If he wants to build one, 294 00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:45,414 he's got a good reason for it. 295 00:12:45,588 --> 00:12:46,763 - Of course he has. 296 00:12:46,937 --> 00:12:48,547 He's stir crazy! 297 00:12:50,462 --> 00:12:52,987 Now, I'm ordering you to stand away from the door. 298 00:12:55,946 --> 00:12:58,514 There are five of us and four of you. 299 00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:05,086 - Now it's even, five and five. 300 00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:06,478 - What's going on? 301 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,523 - We're gonna make a break for it. 302 00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,481 - Not until we build a snowman. 303 00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,354 - Colonel, I don't care if you are the ranking officer, we- 304 00:13:12,528 --> 00:13:14,356 - And a tunnel underneath it. 305 00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,063 - Schultz, why are these pris... 306 00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:29,327 Why are these prisoners building a snowman? 307 00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:34,376 - Eh, Colonel Hogan requested it in place of exercises. 308 00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:39,424 - Build a snowman in freezing weather? 309 00:13:39,598 --> 00:13:41,731 - And they wonder why they're losing the war. 310 00:13:48,477 --> 00:13:50,305 - Okay, Carter, up it comes. 311 00:14:20,335 --> 00:14:23,077 - Oh, oh my! 312 00:14:23,251 --> 00:14:25,209 Oh, I've got to have a rest before I go out there again. 313 00:14:25,383 --> 00:14:27,342 - Oh, me, too. 314 00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:29,039 Boy, I'm gonna tell you, I'm bushed. 315 00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:30,998 - Will you stop complaining? 316 00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:32,651 - Well, listen, that's hard work. 317 00:14:32,826 --> 00:14:34,566 Is this all you guys have got done? 318 00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:38,179 - You think it's easy wrapping a handful of dirt with snow? 319 00:14:38,353 --> 00:14:41,138 - And I'm saving this one just for you for a snowball fight. 320 00:14:41,312 --> 00:14:42,313 - How you doing, Newkirk? 321 00:14:42,487 --> 00:14:44,098 - Won't be long now, Captain. 322 00:14:44,272 --> 00:14:45,621 We should be connecting up 323 00:14:45,795 --> 00:14:46,665 with the other tunnel in about an hour. 324 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:47,884 - Oh! 325 00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:55,152 - Oh, not another inspection, Schultz. 326 00:14:55,326 --> 00:14:58,721 - Ooh, it's freezing cold outside! 327 00:14:58,895 --> 00:15:03,291 Ah, I just came in to have a little coffee 328 00:15:03,465 --> 00:15:06,250 from my little friend, LeBeau. 329 00:15:06,424 --> 00:15:08,513 - All of a sudden, I'm his little friend, LeBeau. 330 00:15:10,515 --> 00:15:13,997 - Oh, you all must be crazy standing outside in the cold, 331 00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:18,915 making that silly snowman, ah. 332 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:21,962 - Something wrong, Schultz? 333 00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:23,659 - Why are you so warm, Carter? 334 00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:25,487 - Warm? 335 00:15:25,661 --> 00:15:27,402 - You're perspiring, and you were outside in the cold. 336 00:15:27,576 --> 00:15:28,969 - It must be these barracks. 337 00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:32,624 God, it's like a ruddy steam bath in here. 338 00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,409 - You think it's warm in here? 339 00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:36,977 - Warm, well, it's nearly 100 degrees. 340 00:15:37,151 --> 00:15:38,892 Hey, Carter, put the fire out. 341 00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,458 - Oh, that's a great idea, Newkirk. 342 00:15:40,632 --> 00:15:42,504 - What, what are you doing? 343 00:15:42,678 --> 00:15:44,898 - It's as hot as it can be in here. 344 00:15:45,072 --> 00:15:47,291 I just want to cool the room off, Schultz. 345 00:15:47,465 --> 00:15:49,337 - Oh, Colonel Hogan, please, 346 00:15:49,511 --> 00:15:52,383 tell Carter to leave the fire alone. 347 00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:53,994 - What are you talking about, Schultz? 348 00:15:54,168 --> 00:15:55,560 - We were just trying to explain to Schultz 349 00:15:55,734 --> 00:15:57,214 that the reason we're all perspiring 350 00:15:57,388 --> 00:15:59,129 is because it's so warm in here. 351 00:15:59,303 --> 00:16:00,957 - Oh, yeah, that's right, Schultz. 352 00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:03,351 And don't think Klink isn't gonna hear about this. 353 00:16:05,179 --> 00:16:09,096 - Colonel, please, please, Colonel Hogan! 354 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:12,664 - Schultz, it's against the Geneva Convention 355 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:15,406 to make prisoners sweat. 356 00:16:15,580 --> 00:16:16,668 - Ah! 357 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,887 - Oh, that's really refreshing. 358 00:16:20,368 --> 00:16:23,458 - Colonel Hogan, if you all are all so warm, 359 00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:24,894 how come that I'm still freezing? 360 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,461 - Ah! 361 00:16:26,635 --> 00:16:27,549 - Why don't you put yourself on sick call 362 00:16:27,723 --> 00:16:29,246 and find out, Schultz? 363 00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:30,595 - Oh! I think you're right. 364 00:16:30,769 --> 00:16:33,207 - Oh! - I'm still cold. 365 00:16:44,435 --> 00:16:48,091 - Colonel, bloody insanity. 366 00:16:49,484 --> 00:16:50,354 - Ooh, ooh! 367 00:16:52,313 --> 00:16:54,010 Hilda, I, ah, oh, here you are. 368 00:16:54,184 --> 00:16:55,838 Hilda, is the commandant in his office? 369 00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:57,753 - He is busy with Major Hochstetter. 370 00:16:57,927 --> 00:16:58,754 - Oh, Hilda, I have to see him. 371 00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:00,364 It's an emergency. 372 00:17:00,538 --> 00:17:01,365 - What's the matter? 373 00:17:01,539 --> 00:17:02,453 - I'm sick, Hilda. 374 00:17:03,628 --> 00:17:04,716 - How do you know you're sick? 375 00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,241 - Because I'm cold. 376 00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:09,156 - Who isn't cold? 377 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:10,722 It's freezing outside. 378 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,202 - But you don't understand, Hilda. 379 00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:14,596 - Everybody else is warm. 380 00:17:14,770 --> 00:17:15,902 - I'm not warm. 381 00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:19,209 - Oh, please, Herr Commandant- 382 00:17:19,383 --> 00:17:20,907 - Schultz, what are you doing here? 383 00:17:21,081 --> 00:17:22,560 - I have to report I have to go to the hospital. 384 00:17:22,734 --> 00:17:24,345 - The hospital? - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 385 00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:26,347 I'm going to be in the hospital two or three weeks, 386 00:17:26,521 --> 00:17:29,089 then four or five months in a rest camp, 387 00:17:29,263 --> 00:17:30,917 and then a 30-day furlough. 388 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:34,137 I'll be back in, uh, sometime in August. 389 00:17:34,311 --> 00:17:36,052 - And all planned, Schultz. 390 00:17:36,226 --> 00:17:37,836 - Yes, Herr Major. 391 00:17:38,011 --> 00:17:42,450 I understand it takes a long time to recover from pneumonia. 392 00:17:43,799 --> 00:17:46,715 - No, what makes you sure that you have pneumonia, Schultz? 393 00:17:46,889 --> 00:17:48,108 - Because I'm cold. 394 00:17:48,282 --> 00:17:49,544 - Of course you're cold, dummkopf. 395 00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:51,111 It's snowing outside! 396 00:17:51,285 --> 00:17:53,765 - Yes, but I'm also cold when I'm inside. 397 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,637 - We're all cold inside! 398 00:17:55,811 --> 00:17:57,813 - Yeah, but, uh, Herr Major, 399 00:17:57,987 --> 00:18:00,207 when I left the prisoners' barracks, 400 00:18:00,381 --> 00:18:04,472 they were sitting around with their shirts off, sweating, 401 00:18:04,646 --> 00:18:06,343 and the windows open. 402 00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:09,564 - Klink, the prisoners have heat in the barracks? 403 00:18:09,738 --> 00:18:12,523 - Perhaps they're smuggling it in, Major Hochstetter. 404 00:18:12,697 --> 00:18:13,698 - Ah! 405 00:18:23,317 --> 00:18:24,405 - I'm glad you're here, sir. 406 00:18:24,579 --> 00:18:25,580 We'd like to requisition some gloves. 407 00:18:25,754 --> 00:18:27,408 Our hands are frozen. 408 00:18:27,582 --> 00:18:29,758 - Request denied, it was your idea to build a snowman. 409 00:18:29,932 --> 00:18:31,455 - My hands are frostbitten, sir, 410 00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:34,110 and I haven't even been outside. 411 00:18:34,284 --> 00:18:35,459 - I thought you were all sitting around 412 00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:37,679 perspiring with the windows open? 413 00:18:37,853 --> 00:18:38,985 - Who said that? 414 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,508 - Schultz! 415 00:18:40,682 --> 00:18:42,684 - Well, he's a sick man, Colonel. 416 00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:45,252 - He said he saw it with his own eyes. 417 00:18:45,426 --> 00:18:46,688 - Well, eh, snow blindness. 418 00:18:46,862 --> 00:18:48,516 - Snow blindness? 419 00:18:48,690 --> 00:18:50,126 - Yes, yes, it's like being out in the desert, sir. 420 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,823 I mean, after you're in the snow long enough, 421 00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,608 you start seeing mirages. 422 00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:55,262 - If he continues to act so peculiar, 423 00:18:55,436 --> 00:18:56,872 he will be seeing the Russian front, 424 00:18:57,046 --> 00:18:59,135 and that will be no mirage. 425 00:19:11,147 --> 00:19:14,107 - There you go, right down inside. 426 00:19:14,281 --> 00:19:15,021 Take it easy now. 427 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,376 Down there, take it easy. 428 00:19:23,638 --> 00:19:24,639 - Schultz. 429 00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:26,075 - Then you do it, Carter! 430 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,859 - Well, okay, I'd be glad to do it, 431 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,209 'cause that's about the worst-looking snowman I ever- 432 00:19:29,383 --> 00:19:30,210 - Well, you keep on criticizing me! 433 00:19:30,384 --> 00:19:31,820 - What's going on here? 434 00:19:31,994 --> 00:19:32,864 - I do a better snowman than you'll ever do! 435 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,649 - Oh, come on. 436 00:19:34,823 --> 00:19:36,129 - What's going on here? - All right, just a minute! 437 00:19:36,303 --> 00:19:37,173 - Well, I wanna make the face for the snowman. 438 00:19:37,347 --> 00:19:38,740 - And I say I should! 439 00:19:38,914 --> 00:19:40,437 - Oh, yeah, well, I once won a prize for making 440 00:19:40,611 --> 00:19:42,439 the best snowman in Bullfrog, North Dakota. 441 00:19:42,613 --> 00:19:44,659 - Bullfrog, North Dakota? 442 00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,617 - Well, actually, Bullfrog's just a suburb. 443 00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:49,272 I mean, your big city's Crab Apple Junction. 444 00:19:49,446 --> 00:19:52,058 - Oh, I think Sergeant Schultz should be the one to decide. 445 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,668 - Who, me? 446 00:19:53,842 --> 00:19:54,930 - Yes, it takes a man who is sophisticated, 447 00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,105 who has been around, 448 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:57,933 who has been to Paris, 449 00:19:58,107 --> 00:20:00,153 and seen the beautiful snowmen in the Bois de Boulogne 450 00:20:00,327 --> 00:20:01,850 that only a Frenchman can make. 451 00:20:02,024 --> 00:20:03,591 - What do you mean sophisticated? 452 00:20:03,765 --> 00:20:05,332 I bet he's never even been to Crab Apple Junction! 453 00:20:05,506 --> 00:20:06,768 - Is that food or a city? 454 00:20:06,942 --> 00:20:07,943 - Wait, wait a minute! 455 00:20:08,117 --> 00:20:10,163 Wait a minute!! 456 00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:11,860 I have the solution. 457 00:20:12,687 --> 00:20:15,298 You, Carter, you put in the eyes. 458 00:20:15,472 --> 00:20:18,214 You, LeBeau, you put in the nose and the mouth. 459 00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:22,262 And you both can put on the hat together. 460 00:20:22,436 --> 00:20:25,439 - King Solomon couldn't have made a wiser decision, Schultz. 461 00:20:25,613 --> 00:20:27,745 You're a wonderful person, wonderful. 462 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:42,064 - Oh, Kinch, I wanted a- - Ah, sir- 463 00:20:42,238 --> 00:20:44,849 - Newkirk, what's going on here, Newkirk? 464 00:20:45,023 --> 00:20:46,460 Wait, what's going on here, Newkirk?! 465 00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:48,114 - Schultz, what's the problem now? 466 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,811 - There, there, there is some monkey business 467 00:20:49,985 --> 00:20:50,899 going on with this snowman! 468 00:20:51,073 --> 00:20:52,727 - You can't be serious. 469 00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:57,297 Ha, you told Major Hochstetter 470 00:20:57,471 --> 00:21:00,256 that I see mirages. 471 00:21:00,430 --> 00:21:04,652 Let's see what he has to say about this mirage! 472 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,482 - Schultz see the escape? 473 00:21:08,656 --> 00:21:10,005 - I think he got a glimpse of the captain. 474 00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:11,789 - We gotta move the snowman. 475 00:21:11,963 --> 00:21:12,834 - Where to? 476 00:21:20,885 --> 00:21:22,278 - I think this is about the only spot in the camp 477 00:21:22,452 --> 00:21:23,323 we don't have a tunnel underneath. 478 00:21:23,497 --> 00:21:24,889 Put it here. 479 00:21:25,063 --> 00:21:26,978 - Hilda, is the commandant in his office? 480 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:28,937 - He is very busy with Major Hochstetter. 481 00:21:29,111 --> 00:21:30,982 - I have to see him right away. 482 00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:34,856 - Schultz, I wouldn't go in there if I were you. 483 00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:37,163 You're halfway to Stalingrad right now. 484 00:21:39,904 --> 00:21:41,602 - It was nice seeing you again, Major Hochstetter, 485 00:21:41,776 --> 00:21:44,126 but I told you, you would find nothing suspicious here. 486 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:46,650 - Those fliers must be in another area. 487 00:21:46,824 --> 00:21:48,870 I will not sleep until I find them. 488 00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:50,872 - You will find them, Major Hochstetter, 489 00:21:51,046 --> 00:21:52,743 if I know my Gestapo. 490 00:21:52,917 --> 00:21:55,877 - Herr Commandant, I would like to report something urgent. 491 00:21:56,051 --> 00:21:57,444 - Not now, Schultz, please. 492 00:21:57,618 --> 00:21:58,619 - Herr Commandant, it has something to do 493 00:21:58,793 --> 00:21:59,881 with the prisoners! 494 00:22:00,795 --> 00:22:02,100 - What? 495 00:22:02,275 --> 00:22:07,410 - I saw a man go inside the snowman. 496 00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:11,762 - Schultz, is this another one of your mirages? 497 00:22:11,936 --> 00:22:13,547 - No, Herr Commandant. 498 00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:17,246 I saw it with my own two eyes. 499 00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:19,030 - Have you been at the schnapps again? 500 00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:20,467 - Just a minute, Klink. 501 00:22:20,641 --> 00:22:21,990 Let's have a look at this. 502 00:22:22,164 --> 00:22:23,165 - Jawohl, Herr Major, I show you. 503 00:22:23,339 --> 00:22:24,732 Please, Herr Major, I show you. 504 00:22:27,822 --> 00:22:29,563 - You sure you got enough snow over that opening, Carter? 505 00:22:29,737 --> 00:22:31,913 - They won't be able to find it until spring. 506 00:22:34,698 --> 00:22:36,483 - Okay, they're coming. 507 00:22:36,657 --> 00:22:38,920 - Herr Major, right over here. 508 00:22:39,094 --> 00:22:40,443 Here, please. 509 00:22:40,617 --> 00:22:42,706 Right here, here. - All right, Schultz. 510 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,447 Now, where did the man enter the snowman? 511 00:22:44,621 --> 00:22:46,449 - Major Hochstetter, I protest. 512 00:22:46,623 --> 00:22:48,625 This is our snowman. 513 00:22:48,799 --> 00:22:51,498 - Why are you so concerned, Colonel Hogan? 514 00:22:51,672 --> 00:22:53,195 - Because we were gonna challenge 515 00:22:53,369 --> 00:22:55,066 the guards and the Gestapo to a snowman contest. 516 00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:56,981 The winner gets a free trip to London. 517 00:22:57,155 --> 00:22:58,983 - Here, here, Herr Major, right here! 518 00:23:01,812 --> 00:23:06,643 - Ah, there is an opening. 519 00:23:06,817 --> 00:23:09,429 - Colonel Hogan, I demand an explanation! 520 00:23:09,603 --> 00:23:10,952 - This is the way they make a snowman 521 00:23:11,126 --> 00:23:13,389 in Bullfrog, North Dakota. 522 00:23:16,174 --> 00:23:19,656 - Klink, I assure you, I will find a tunnel. 523 00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:21,615 And, when I do, the punishment will- 524 00:23:30,232 --> 00:23:31,799 - You know, Colonel, 525 00:23:31,973 --> 00:23:33,757 I think Major Hochstetter wins the trip to London. 526 00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:41,809 - Come on, Schultz, it's freezing! 527 00:23:41,983 --> 00:23:42,984 - Yeah, we're all here! 528 00:23:43,158 --> 00:23:44,551 - We may be one or two over. 529 00:23:44,725 --> 00:23:46,248 - Oh, let him take his time. 530 00:23:46,422 --> 00:23:48,468 Klink doesn't like the cold any more than we do. 531 00:23:48,642 --> 00:23:52,341 Report, report! 532 00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:53,342 - You better report, Schultz. 533 00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:54,909 He's turning blue. 534 00:23:55,083 --> 00:23:56,911 - All present and accounted for. 535 00:23:57,085 --> 00:23:59,827 Dismissed! 536 00:24:00,001 --> 00:24:02,830 - Ah, Colonel, did the Gestapo catch the bomber crew? 537 00:24:05,006 --> 00:24:06,877 - Colonel Hogan, I assure you 538 00:24:07,051 --> 00:24:08,836 Major Hochstetter will find them. 539 00:24:09,010 --> 00:24:11,099 - Ha, he couldn't find the Eiffel Tower in Paris! 540 00:24:11,273 --> 00:24:12,666 - He couldn't even find his swastika! 541 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,885 - The Krauts should call in Scotland Yard. 542 00:24:15,059 --> 00:24:16,409 Yeah, if they can find them. 543 00:24:16,583 --> 00:24:18,498 Colonel Hogan, you've gone too far! 544 00:24:18,672 --> 00:24:20,761 Schultz, these men are confined to the barracks, 545 00:24:20,935 --> 00:24:23,198 without privileges, for at least one week! 546 00:24:23,372 --> 00:24:25,853 - Jawohl, Herr Commandant. 547 00:24:35,384 --> 00:24:39,040 - Sorry, Schultz, snowman contest is over, nice try.